As I often tune into myself and into the world, I feel that at a very deep level human beings are often governed by fear and insecurity. Insecurity is one of the more painful states that we can be in. It makes us vulnerable.
I see so clearly different coping mechanisms we adopt to make us look stronger and in control, to hide our deepest insecurities. We put on an armour of coolness and indifference, adopt angry or aggressive tactics to overpower others, we throw ourselves into busyness to numb our feelings of insecurity, we turn everything into a joke to distract others, or we become ‘haters who are going to hate’ avoiding responsibility and diverting the core of the issue to the external world.
I come across many highly sensitive and empathic people who feel insecure about embracing their true nature. Particularly when they grew up in families who did not appreciate them for who they were and who were made to fit in with the society’s standard of success such as competitiveness, loudness, toughness or working fast and hard. This may be ok for some, though highly sensitive and empathic people are very different biologically and psychologically and have many talents that cannot be expressed under these circumstances.
I used to suffer from incapacitating insecurity. It can make us withdraw, stifle our progression, limit participation in life, get in the way of us thriving, like it used to affect me.
Back then I wish I knew this:
1. Insecurity is the way our ego wants to protect us.
Our ego wants to stop us from getting hurt, it wants us to avoid the pain and keep us safe. Isn’t this intention wonderful? The ego thinks however that others are a threat to us. It wants to keep us small and not to risk anything. It makes us feel insecure to keep the status quo. It is a primal instinct that needs to be soothed. Having this understanding can help us move from the primal fear of the ego to the wiser, heart-based way of being where insecurity ceases to exist.
2. Insecurity is a blessing calling us to grow.
As human species we are wired to grow and to overcome the primal fear. Life is meant to be a beautiful journey of growth and raising above the seemingly difficult circumstances. Underneath the layers of insecurity we are very capable, lovable and magnificent beings.
Our growth takes place when we overcome our programming. What is your insecurity telling you about what you need to heal?
My own deep inquiry into the cause of my insecurity took me to my ancestral roots. My ancestors’ life stories were steeped in lack of self-worth and shame. I felt their pain and despair within me and a wave of love and compassion moved through me. A wave of love and compassion moves through my own life, allowing me to raise above the circumstances.
3. The key is to raise to a higher frequency from where things look and feel differently.
We have the power to train our mind to focus on what feels better to us. As we put our attention on what empowers us, we raise to the higher frequencies. We feel happier and more confident.
When I felt disempowered and insecure I was giving in to negativity. Negative language, pessimistic outlook and gossip all bring our frequency down. A grateful heart shifts our energy. The secret is to show up every day and focus on even the tiniest things in our lives we are grateful for. Learning to be non-judgemental is another way to raise above negativity. Learning the principles of and practicing mindfulness were invaluable for me in becoming less judgemental towards self and others.
The lifestyle choices play a big role in how strong our energy field is. We can’t develop security and self-worth if we are devaluing our life by the lack of sleep, unhealthy diet, keeping our body stiff and working ourselves to the ground, neglecting our deepest needs on a physical and psychological level. We can step into the vibration of self-worth only when we have better self-care.
4. Beliefs are only thoughts that we think over and over again.
The insecure, disempowered mindset, fuelled by limiting beliefs, will tell you you are incapable of doing something, that things are impossible or that you don’t deserve something. What we need to understand is that a belief is a thought that has been thought over and over again. Think about it. A limiting belief is only something that you adopted along the way.
The process of developing feelings of security and the underlying self-worth is always an inner work. No external source can make us feel secure and love ourselves. One way of working with your limiting beliefs is through coaching, which I myself received to shift my life around. Coaching can work not only on the mental level (logical, data and experiences driven), but also on the level of the heart (feelings, intuition and possibility driven), which I love tapping into as the core transformational element in this process.
If you are a highly sensitive and empathic person struggling with insecurity, know that deep down you are a magnificent being. As a coach I wish to connect with those who are ready to transform. If you feel called to do so, get in touch, we can work together to help you to embody a more secure and magnificent you.
[blog from former The Sensitive Kind Coaching practice]