I grew up with the notion that to show feelings is to show weakness. For an empath, someone who interprets the world through feelings, it is a deeply sabotaging programming hitting in the core of who they are. Over time, I learned to accept and honour deeply my feelings and I share with you some of the steps that helped me to do this.
In childhood my feelings were disapproved of and dismissed. Mostly the ‘difficult’ feelings in response to what was going on around me. What I felt was ignored and swept under the carpet. Whether it was anger or love, these were too ‘messy’ to handle. As a consequence I learned my feelings were unwanted, inappropriate, irrational and stupid. In order to survive I needed to suppress them and carry on.
I am of course not alone. The society experiences emotional deficit and we live in the world that at a deep level is starving for their feelings to be heard and acknowledged. We just don’t know how and are mostly afraid to do so.
We don’t know what to do with difficult emotions, can’t hold a space for anyone who is in a deep emotional pain. On the flip side, we don’t know how to feel positive emotions either. We don’t know how to find joy, we are unable to dream. We dismiss them saying they are wishy washy.
We hold a deep belief that in most societal settings to be guided by feelings is irrational and we developed a cult of a mind instead. We are the society of emotional zombies.
This is not a crusade against the society. I am writing this in honour of feelings, to give them respect and acknowledgement they deserve.
Feelings are far from fluffy. They are a wisdom of our heart, our inner navigational system. Feelings carry a message for us to receive.
For empaths it is especially crucial to get in touch with their feelings. Empaths’ nature is to feel intensely and by suppressing emotions we deny ourselves our authentic expression. As a consequence we detach so much from who we are, we can be deeply unhappy, depressed, anxious and physically unwell. It affects us way more than non-empaths. As Freud said, ‘’Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.’’
Empaths need to get in touch with and master their emotions (this sometimes requires deeper healing than I am describing in this post). When healed and grounded, we have the potential to become creators of our destiny, beacons of light, humans who deeply care and have plenty to give. Our enormous power lies in the ability to feel deeply, to tune into the world and help the world learn how to feel, how to empathise and how to deeply respect one another.
The world needs to integrate the mind and the heart. The Heart Math Institute in the U.S. does wonderful research on the role and intelligence of the heart. Numerous studies have shown that harmonising heart and brain produces a psychological state leading to higher levels cognition, emotional stability and resilience. This has a huge meaning for a society that glorifies the power of the rational mind.
The world driven by the mind alone is no longer enough, these systems are failing and crumbling all over. The world needs to feel more and is asking for people like us to rise up to our full potential.
I wanted to share with you few important steps that helped me get in touch with and honour my own feelings:
1. Check in with yourself on a regular basis. Throughout the day, schedule regular breaks, stop and ask yourself – what is going on in my body now? How am I feeling? Learn to tune into the wisdom of your body to recognise emotions – if you have difficulty establishing how you feel, listen to your body first… do you feel butterflies in your stomach, tension in your forehead, is your heart beating like crazy, does your chest feel like it has a heavy stone on?
2. Honour your feelings whatever they may be. Are you feeling calm, content, excited, sad, irritated or anxious? Breathe and be with this feeling, allow it to be. As you explore your feelings, the whole spectrum of feelings can surface and come to your awareness. It is important that you drop judgement and just allow them to be. You can otherwise perpetuate the very issue you might have been experiencing; your feelings being judged as inappropriate, ‘too intense’ or irrational. How do you do it? Set the intention that you are an observer.
3. Validate the feeling.Where has this feeling come from? Give yourself the permission to feel it. Or; ask yourself if it is your feeling at all. (Empaths often absorb feelings from others, however this is a topic for a whole other blog post!).
4. Ease difficult feelings.If your feeling is a difficult feeling, focus on your heart, breathe and tell yourself to ease. We have the power and ability to make emotional choices. It is a technique I learned from Hearth Math Institute.
5. Listen to the wisdom of your feeling and give yourself what you need. Do you want to express gratitude? Do you want to tell someone you love them? Do you need to take extra few minutes to calm down? Do you need a glass of water? Do you need to be unconditionally kind to yourself right now? Do you need to speak up? Do you need to change your mind about something? Do you need to acknowledge it is not your feeling at all and let go?
Much love,
Dominika
[from former The Sensitive Kind Coaching business]
