A recent article about broken down friendships stirred up strong emotions within me. Have you also irrevocably fallen out with your best friend?
Since I was five I had a best friend. We grew up, went to school and came to the UK together. I have fallen out with my best friend 11 years ago.
With my awareness of today, I realise we shared a dynamic of an empath and a narcissist. It was such a revelation when I first learned about this, as I had thought less of myself until then!
I felt heard on many levels in this friendship and we had lots of fun over the years. Somehow, though, I was ignoring betrayals which had different flavours and contexts as we were becoming older.
My successes made her uncomfortable and she liked to dim my light. She often made me feel that she was the one who was better, smarter and funnier.
Eventually, something happened that was so out of sync with my values that I sobered up.
I don’t claim to be perfect, none of us are. Though, I knew inside I could not deal with this energy in my life any more and I stopped being in touch, crippled by guilt at first…
Sometimes it takes many years to realise you are in a one way street kind of a relationship. It is hard to see through the complexity of it, where disappointments are interwoven with good times, betrayals with heart-felt conversations, there is no black or white!
With the wisdom of today I see everyone fights their own battles. Narcissists are insecure at the core and need others to validate themselves. Empaths need narcissists to keep on giving in order to survive, whilst over the longer period of time grow resentful because of their needs not being met! I personally took this to the extreme of not even wanting to give at all to anyone for a long time for the fear of being used.
As empaths we’re often there for others, we’re naturally loyal, trusting and giving. It is so easy to fall into the empath-narcissist game, if we haven’t yet learned to meet our needs and define our boundaries. The moment we become aware of it and heal, we can step into our power.
It strikes me that there are almost only two choices of existence for us empaths – we either are stuck in unhealthy ways of living and interacting with others or we become empowered. We don’t function like most people. We have to consciously shift our mindsets to take up our space, accept who we are 100% and completely restore our power.
My restoration journey began by saying no to the things that were not serving me and I started being there for myself more and more.
I am learning what it means to be deeply heard in my relationships.
I am learning about the art of sacred giving and receiving.
I am learning about unspeakable heart to heart connections.
I am learning and embracing true compassion and love.
This is what I believe is the true power of empaths. The ability to feel the love and bliss of life to the core of our being. And to shine our light for others.
I wish for all of you who are going through similar experiences a true healing and liberation from any patterns that are not serving you.
If you feel inspired, sit down, tune into your heart and ask yourself:
* Are there any relationships where I feel unheard? Or betrayed? Or unimportant?
* Am I willing to admit I co-create this situation? In what ways?
* In what ways can I show love and compassion to myself?
* What will it take for me to step into my power now?
[Blog from former The Sensitive Kind Coaching business]